Sunday, June 28, 2015

Father's Day

Before I begin, what I'm about to say is not meant as derogatory or to pass judgement on anyone else.  This is simply my view point and my feelings on Fathers Day.  I'm not asking anyone to agree or disagree but simply want to explain my thoughts on the subject.  Feel free to celebrate, or not celebrate, the day as you feel appropriate.

Prior to Fathers Day 2015 I put on a post that stated, "

"I'd like to ask a favor.  Tomorrow is Fathers Day and I hope all the dads out there enjoy it.  However, I would ask that when you're going your facebook posts about the day, please refrain from including me.  I have reasons that are my own and after discussions with Shawna, she understands.  Thank you in advance and I hope you all enjoy the day."
After a little while and a couple of private messages I got the feeling that my intent was being misunderstood.  Rather than begin some long post on my page, I decided to use this median to clear up any confusion.  Firstly, the post was not meant to imply that I, in anyway, feel less like a parent because I'm a step parent.  Second, it wasn't directed at nor written to imply that I don't believe step-parents, in this case fathers, play a very important role in the life of a child.  My father is not my biological father and I also spent a great deal of my childhood with my grandfather.  I greatly understand the massive impact that non-biological parents, mentors, and role models can have of the life of children.  I would never attempt to disparage that in anyway, shape, or form.  Whether you were involved in the physical process of bringing that child into the world or not does not matter once you're involved in their lives.  I've seen (personally) biological fathers who don't bother to stick around and I've seen men who step into that role to help raise children to the best of their ability.  To detract from that would be silly and pretty God damn dumb honestly.  I feel both lucky and privileged after what I've seen in the world that Mr. C's dad and I get along pretty well for the most part and are both working toward the same goal; that is to raise him into a strong, caring, self sufficient man that will one day become a great dad of his own.

At this point you're probably curious as to what the meaning of my post actually was. Again, I want to reiterate that this is simply my personal view and is not meant as a condemnation of anyone else.  I actually appreciate very much that the day exists because it allows me to thank a few people myself.  However, that doesn't change the fact that I don't wish to be a part of it where being celebrated is concerned  As I mentioned in the above, I do not feel like my role is any less because I'm a step-parent as opposed to a biological one.  My goals for him are the same and I treat Mr. C like he's my own flesh and blood because that's how I think of him.

In all honestly, I simply do not desire attention for doing things I feel like I'm supposed to do.  This is not the first time a topic has arisen where I've addressed this.  I posted HERE regarding my feelings on people telling me what a great person I am for sticking by Shawna with all her medical issues.  For me, this falls into the same category.  As a father figure I'm supposed to try and teach Caden about things in life.  I'm supposed to praise him when he does something great and come down on him with he messes up.  I'm supposed to teach him right from wrong, morality, ethics, hard work, determination, perseverance, and a whole host of other things. And here's some truth, I'm not always great at it.  I fail at this at times just like I fail at other things. Sometimes I make a wrong choice or act incorrectly.  I try to be a good example all the time but I'm aware that at times I'm not.  I know this comes with child raising.  But if I'm not going to fall apart because of my failures why would I want to be propped up when I succeed?  Perhaps someday, when he's grown and has a great job and a family of his own I'll feel like I've been apart of a successful process but that day is a long ways off and right now I simply do not desire to be celebrated for an incomplete task.

I don't know if that will make sense to anyone else or not.  I suspect there are a few people out there who will understand but I don't know for sure.  I guess, simply put, in the end being part of the day simply doesn't fit my personality.