Friday, July 31, 2015

Not Stopping

It was a rough July in our household that culminated in a very rough weekend.  I'm very much looking forward to the end of July 2015 and the beginning of August.  While I'm not going to get into everything, the main points were: me being down for much of the month injured therefore having much of the summer work fall way, way behind, having the car act up repeatedly which has left me questioning the reliability, and losing yet another house, this time due to a failed home inspection.  As I'm sitting here writing this I feel as though I'm finally at a point where I can take a deep breath and reflect on everything so we can sit and formulate a game plan without the added disruption of emotion coming into play.  It was a rough month and a rough week and now it's time to move forward.

So here's what we have going for us.  Caden is back home after his summer visit with his dad and school will be beginning for him soon  (actually sooner than most in Maine as they go back early and then have a two week break next month for the potato harvest...an outdated practice that really makes no sense now-a-days..but I digress).  Shawna's health for the most part has been pretty decent.  She had a seizure a couple weeks ago but it was the first in a couple months so that's definitely a win.  Her pain levels also haven't been as high recently which I'm going to attribute currently to a fairly mild summer with only a few hot days thrown in.  My health has also improved.  I've been back to the gym a couple times in the past week which was nice.  Though I'm not 100% I'm also not laid up on the couch and have been able to resume tackling some of my summer projects, though at times I am required to stop and take a break though I may not want to.

The car is going in next week for some extended warranty work, which will hopefully allieviate the problem.  However, I'm also waiting to hear back form a salesman about a potential trade-in for something that would fit the needs of our family a bit better.  I also have somewhere between 10 and 15 more houses to look at sometime in the next week once the car issue is resolved.  We've had to create a new plan to get more houses available to us but sometimes revision of the current plan is the only way to reach the goals of the future  It's come to the point where our current location simply doesn't grant us the ability to meet our future goals.  A change is needed and some things will need to be sacrificed to meet those goals.  It's not perfect and we're not happy about some of the decisions we're having to make but that's what being an adult is all about I guess; making decisions that aren't perfect but rather are necessary.  Thankfully, they haven't stopped making beer so those decisions have a chaser when needed.

The truth of the matter sometimes life just sucks.  Things don't go according to plan or just the way you want. Bad things happen to everyone and while sometimes they're of our own making, just as often it's totally out of our control.  We can't predict the future we can only hope to manipulate it as much as possible by our own actions and in-actions.  There is no secret to life and if there were most of us wouldn't listen to it anyways because humans want the ability to decide for themselves and we can't do that without the benefit of our experiences.  Sure, some shit in our life isn't turning our like we'd like but that doesn't mean we're void of opportunities.  The fact that I'm writing this post currently is proof of that.  It's something I enjoy, find beneficial, and allows me a mechanism for interacting with others.  When we get the car fixed or traded in we'll have hopefully changed the circumstances of our ability to safely travel.  Once we move we'll have better Dr.'s for Shawna to visit.  Choices, decisions, actions; we all have a certain amount of control over each of these.  What we chose to do with that control is up to us.    

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Man Down!

We've had a couple weeks of wacky in our household.  One interesting thing about our life is that when you have one person already limited with their physical abilities, if the other one goes down it throws things into flux.  That's where we're at right now.  Shawna's health is a constant in that it's never 100%.  Her medical issues are something that's always there. Of course some day's are better than others but unless something gets figured out in the future, we know that she's unlikely to wake up one day and her legs are magically better and she's able to stand and move around for more than 20 minutes to a time.  It's an unfortunate fact of life for us.  That means that in order for us to live day to day, my health on the other hand, must be good consistently.  I'm not talking about coming down with a cold or flu, but rather my long term physical health. Since getting together and then moving to our current location we've had a couple of times when I was down for a day or two here and there with an injury but these past couple of weeks have been the first time I've been down for an extended period of time and well, it sucks.

A couple of weeks ago we were preparing to head south so that we could drop off Caden for the summer with his dad and then Shawna and I were going to spend the rest of the weekend looking at homes for sale. Before we left I wanted to hit the gym and get in my last workout for the week.  Everything was going fine until I attempted my second set of dead lifts and felt something pull in my lower back/hip area.  This was nothing new and a feeling I've actually grown accustomed to it's happened so many times.  Hell, it was one of the reasons I started back at the gym in the first place.  Regardless, I skipped the rest of the pulls and one other movement but finished the rest that didn't place a lot of stress on the affected area, came home, showered, and then we were off for the weekend.  It was an uncomfortable but manageable ride as where the next couple of days and I figured once we were home I'd be able to rest it and be back on my feet by the end of the week.  I was wrong.

The injury occurred two weeks ago tomorrow and in that time I've watched more shitty tv and spent more time on the couch and in bed than I'd care to do again for a long, long time.  I've been to the chiropractor 3 times and it appears as though not only did I pull a muscle, I also managed to pinch a nerve.  I'm essentially useless for doing anything.  Hell, my wife is even having to help me put underwear and pants on because I can't really bend over without pain and weakness threatening to lunge me headfirst into the floor.  Because of this, everything around the house is suffering.  The laundry is not adding up too quickly thankfully because I'm wearing mostly t-shirts and shorts during the day.  I managed to do the bigger dishes that Shawna has trouble managing so that's been ok but cooking has been tough so my diet is taking a hit.  Grocery shopping the other day was much more miserable experience than usual.  The dog is losing his mind because I can't take him out to play like he needs.  The regular cleaning has been non-existent.  A couple projects in the garage are on hold as is the work that needs done on my truck and all the outside work and preparation for winter. Sure it'll be waiting for me there when I'm healed but that's not the point.  Some things are more times sensitive than others plus who wants to live in a completely unorganized house in need of cleaning?  By far my biggest fear about living here has been what would happen if I also got hurt.  These past couple of weeks I'm getting the opportunity to find out.

I think this is one of the biggest differences in our life to others.  It's not better or worse, just different.  Every family deals with something.  Some only have a single, working parent to try and manage everything (my hats off to you folks!  What you do is absolutely commendable!).  Others are like us where one spouse is sick or injured.  It definitely changes the dynamic of the household when something happens.  On the plus sides I've been able to finish a book and have had to open up to receiving help from my wife.  This allows us to work on our communication and teamwork skills which I think are huge in any marriage.  There is definitely a silver lining to all this and now that I've learned these lessons...I need to hurry up and heal because I don't have time for this shit.